Poems by Stefano

Depression and a Cup of tea
I'm sitting here cold,
Next to a cup of warm tea;
Should have drunk it earlier,
But my thoughts got to me.
Got no friends in here,
But these four walls;
So empty and bare,
They seem as bored.

One milk no sugar;
I like it that way;
Let it brew lots,
So the flavour will stay.
I look out the window;
The day has gone lost;
Life has no meaning,
As it slowly defrosts.

Is it the morning or early evening? can't tell;
Time means nothing, when sitting in hell.
Dunk a Rich-Tea or Digestive or two;
Passes the time, this pleasure I brew.
But what can I do when the tea is all gone?
Make another cup till the depression is gone.

 

Underside
Spinning about in the underground,
The days are going by fast;
How many shrinks does it take to change,
The memories of my past?

Lost in timeless space or some other world inside;
I can’t count the days I’ve lost, stuck in my mind.
My judgements seemed to fade away as I became my fault;
I’d end up the very thing I feared, with intrusive thought.

Long hair, short hair, all those days are gone;
Cut it, grow it, I should have done what I want.
All those people in my past, they served me no good;
Imposing rules and prejudice, I never understood.

Mental disorders were the order of the day;
Taking on dark characters of those who came my way;
All washed down with paranoia, I couldn’t even walk straight;
Now all these nightmarish years are gone, is it far too late?

‘Try and make amends’, they say, and try, I do, but why?
I could have been given a proper chance, and made everything right.
Insecurity and negative emotions, cloud my dreary path;
I have all the drive inside, but it gets washed away in their laughs.

Who is that laughing, I wonder, my critics or my friends?
Must be those fiendish demons of my mind, at it once again.
I am my worst enemy, a cause I cannot tolerate for long;
I know I must fight myself, but that’s always been what’s wrong.

 

Circus
Too many people,
stare at me
Faces cold as cold can be
What do I have that makes me so
The circus of both young and old

Can it be my facial stares
Or my crouched shoulders bare
Or my screams of pain and blight
As I address my demonic plight

Possessed and troubled, who can hide
I can’t bury my psychological blight
Try and pretend you did not see
At least I can feel I am free

Moments pass and then are gone
My normality decides when it turns on
In these I sit in tranquil peace
My fears anticipating my mania’s release

Back and forth I simply sway
I am normal, also mad this way
I am neither but as shade cast by light
Like day is bright then dark in night

When you aren’t there
They all talk about you when you're not there
You hear faint murmurs from downstairs
You bend over the banister and listen hard
They all discuss how troubled you are

Each has a solution and plan for you to try
They sound very troubled and keep asking why
No amount of thinking will ever help at all
I've always been a little sane, but mostly off the wall

Nobody wants to talk to me, but arguments are plenty
People seem to think I must like to dwell in misery
Coping with my mind, trying to get back to myself
This is my journey until then I am in hell

Talk to me please and don't keep reminding me
The times were evil and the past hurts you see
I already know what I must do, so give support and a hug
Stop the offensive, just listen to me, and give some love

 

Where is everybody?
When were you there when were you there,
Has the time of year made you think more clear?
Peace and good will is meant to be all year
But folks are too busy wound up in their fears

I needed somebody to talk to, but no one ever came
Their absence enforced into me an undeserved shame
They all left me to fall deeper and darker in my maze
I was left to rot in my distress as if I was to blame

If people have some terrible illness
Friends trip over themselves to be there
When the illness is something mental
Then you know who your friends were

Stigma and embarrassments
Are attached to the loony kind
We are just decent humans
Many with superior minds

Why do you look at me in a way you've never done before
Is it so hard to talk to me now you know so much more?
I'm still the same person but a prisoner of my own mind
Did you think I could hurt you, is that why you hide?

A friend in need is a friend indeed and how it is so true
Only when they want my skills, or something they can use
When I needed a friend to talk, for comfort and in guidance
They instead abandoned me, replacing themselves with silence

The worst curse and illness could never possibly match,
That which depressive illness brings, in its tide of wrath.
Soaking your emotions and draining away your age,
Leaving you to deteriorate, contemplating a life of waste.

All that could be learnt and said, seem no more of good use.
The lessons I learn and preach, cannot help stop my abuse.
The distractions and the vices, seem to serve as an escape,
But serve to further plunge me, into the abyss I try to forsake.

 

(This one's about a character, like a 'Howard Hughes' but who doesn't make it at all as he was far too ill from the start and wastes his life away completely. his fears haunt even 'normal' people who can lead wasted lives, but his character shows how the most talented people in society can exist but yet die unknown and unproductive. I guess Howard Hughes could have achieved nothing if his later life occurred much earlier and his family did not leave him millions....that's another story)

The Ruin of Stanley George
Stanley George was a lonely man,
Lived across the street with his mam
Nobody knew much about his life
Rumours were as good as lies

They say he was a genius who couldn’t cope
Many talents but lacked esteem and hope
He could have been anything he liked
Could’ve changed the world with his mind

He passed his days in much regret
Thought he’d wasted too many years
Believed it was futile to change
His remaining years seemed all too late

He couldn’t manage a smile or laugh
Stopped washing, never took a bath
He believed his fate was stolen away
When he went mad in his heyday

Blessed with every talent to name
Even it’s madness from which it came
But lost the control and its balance
His demise became his biggest challenge

He messed the rest of his life up himself
Always refusing any kind of help
Saw things his own way and didn’t believe
How if he tried he could easily succeed

He’s still alive, never leaves the house
Each night we hear him scream and shout
Imagine what he could have achieved in life
But feared so much to ever really try

It could have been so effortless for him
Can’t be so hard when you’re genuine
But he wasted his time shying away
Made excuses while passing his days

It’s a lesson to learn and for all to know
Whatever ambitions or abilities you show
If you never try, but fail to believe
You’ll certainly know you’ll never achieve

 

 

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