OCD is more than you think. Whilst you might think you are ‘SO OCD’ because you like to have a tidy room, you couldn’t be more wrong. For me, it isn’t compulsive tapping, handwashing or any other physical compulsion. I struggle with intrusive thoughts surrounding sex and harming other people. Have you heard of mental compulsions? Read about it, learn about it, educate yourself and loved ones. It’s more than you think.
I rarely talk about my OCD, I fear too much that people would think I was a bad person, or a psychopath. I still struggle to say these thoughts out loud in case people judge me. I am working on this with my therapist, but every time I try to say anything, I burst into tears. I don’t feel strong enough yet, and that’s ok.
Do you know what would really help me? If stigma behind OCD wasn’t there, if stereotyping didn’t exist and if everyone understood that OCD is a debilitating mental health disorder. Without stereotypes, me and the rest of the 1.2% of the population who are plagued with this disorder, would find it easier to talk about it.
It is daily torture, especially if it is towards my loved ones or my dog. I find it hard to concentrate in class because of the sexual intrusive thoughts I have about my teachers. It makes me feel disgusting and vile. Every time I unload the dishwasher and see a knife, I am triggered, and have intrusive thoughts surrounding murdering my family. To be quite honest, in these moments, I feel like I have lost my mind.
When I have intrusive thoughts about being sexually assaulted, I think about it to ‘stop it happening in real life’. I felt alone for so long as I didn’t suffer from the ‘typical’ or ‘more obvious’ OCD symptoms. After researching into it, I found out that after all this time, I am not alone. I am not alone in this. These are obsessions and mental compulsions which are often referred to as ‘Pure O’. So, the next time you make a joke, or imply that you have ‘a little bit of OCD’ because you like your pencils to face the same way. Stop. Think. Remember. There might be someone else in that room who has no idea they are suffering from OCD, and the stereotyping is pushing them further away from help.
It's more than you think…
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