OCD & Taboo thoughts
"What if you did it? That's something you'd like to do, isn't it? You like hurting people, don't you? Normal people wouldn't think like this... you're a bad person. Thoughts = Actions. If you're thinking about committing XYZ act, you'll do it won't you? Are you sure you don't want to do it? Maybe you've already done it? It's as bad to think bad thoughts as it is to commit bad actions. You enjoy causing pain, don't you? You are evil, bad, cruel."
Many of the (incredibly lovely) OCD sufferers, like myself, will relate to this torturous loop of intrusive thoughts. We latch onto a thought and our OCD spirals it around and around and around in our heads. OCD used to be called the 'doubting disorder' and it's clear to see why it was named as such. I love helping others, I want to be a doctor, so I can improve the quality of life for people suffering, but for some unknown reason my OCD takes it upon itself to tell me that I'm evil, the devil incarnate, an awful person.
If you're reading this and understand what I'm talking about, please know:
- You are not your thoughts. And your thoughts are not actions. Just because you think 'bad' thoughts, doesn't mean you're a bad person, nor does it mean you'll commit said actions.
- OCD intrusive thoughts are distressing because they're something so separated from our morals, that disgusts or frightens us. If anything, see your OCD thoughts as the opposite of yourself. If you're disturbed about committing XYZ action, you almost definitely won't commit XYZ action.
- Other people can't see your intrusive thoughts. They're not branded on your forehead and when people say you're a kind friend or a lovely person, they do genuinely mean it. Your vision is distorted by OCD, whilst they can see how amazing you truly are.
Lots of love, and please remember you're not alone in this.
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