The Reality of OCD
OCD is pure darkness that penetrates my mind.
It traps me and consumes me in fear-
with its constant ramble of intrusive thoughts.
So, no, you should not say that I just like my bean tins in a straight line.
Cause it is not.
If OCD had a physical human form, it would be one I despise-
you know those types of people who always clutch your biggest fears.
And make your life a constant struggle.
That is what OCD is.
A constant struggle with its manipulation tactics.
Always wanting a little more of that anxiety -
making your head go into mazes.
I don’t clean my house till I can see my reflection-
or scrub my hands raw.
Although this may be the case for some people with OCD.
No, for my OCD, I sit in my mind full of intrusive thoughts.
For hours on end, with thoughts of guilt and hate.
Am I looking at that child wrong?
That is POCD
Am I gay for noticing that girl’s bra?
That is HOCD
What if I do not feel attracted to my boyfriend?
What if he does not mean it when he says he loves me?
That is Relationship OCD
OCD can be these things but also many more.
It does not stigmatize, stereotype-
or care if your 16 or 50.
It affects me but not only me.
Hundreds of people get thoughts like this.
In a constant struggle that spirals into depression and self-hate.
We cannot control it.
They are surprisingly normal but for us, the unfortunate ones,
we question them and believe they must be true.
But we are wrong.
Did you know?
That people who have these thoughts are not endangering others.
We are least likely to do any of these things.
But we know this: yet it does not make them go away.
Because OCD is a bully-
That is what my CBT therapist said.
We are not attention-seeking or being dramatic.
We are the OCD sufferers.
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